Sunday, February 3, 2013

Prostitute by choice

It was difficult to remove my clothes for the first time after I tried everything, went to everyone in my circle, knocked every door and then gave up. Then it wouldn’t matter if I was hungry or not, it was prayer times, weddings and social gatherings of my relatives or whatsoever, I started avoiding and by the time I realized that people’ facial expressions started changing. They would ask me if I was alright? Did I eat anything, or someone would even invite me to eat something but I was still a little shy to tell them that it was because of my poverty.
People can not always give a favor and especially when someone needs a continuous favor, all the time, every day. I had changing mental status and could really feel the effects. I was alright but could also understand the effective destruction and derailed concentration. Somehow I realized it was about money. I was so lazy to do anything but the most easy work. Selling myself. Unwillingly I became the prostitute.  
For sometime, it helped me but then I started feeling the dirt in me. Guttery self to eat food. Only food? Why? Because I was lazy to do any sort of hard work because of so much social stress. But what if I had died, at least people wouldn’t call me prostitute. What if I had accepted the will of GOD and do something other than this dirty work. What? But no use, it was already too late.
After losing social status, even I lost the respect for myself as well. After losing everything, respect, relatives and myself, I had only one option left. Breaking the idols and accepting the will of my Lord. One day I decided not to bow my head in front of anyone but my Lord and do the hard work. After this acceptance, I became happy and weightless. Yes I still do not have a social status, loving people and money but I am very happy. I have my Lord with me and to be honest I do not need anything else!

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I'm a wandering watchdog.